FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
