i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
PANTIES FOUND
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
