So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
