he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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