How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
