The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
