I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
