looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize