I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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