My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
