so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
