when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
