Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Panties = found
Randomize
