Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
