Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
