Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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