epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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