You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
