you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
