i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
