There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
