this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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