worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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