He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
