dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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