ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize