Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
