We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
