thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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