Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
