apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
