I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
