We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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