i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
birth control should be required to get into college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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