SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
