This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
