Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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