I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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