If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize