My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
