i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
