How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
