he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
why is half of my head shaved?
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