the new term for farting is butt boxing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize