I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
