I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
