nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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