Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
