he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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