a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
