I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
