I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
