You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
