I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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