FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
