i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
