I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
