grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
