Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize