I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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