im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
