dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize