I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
