i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
