okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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