His hands were made for my vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
