worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize