And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
