just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
