I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
