she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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