Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
