Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
