Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
