we made out on top of his cat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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