Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
