Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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