i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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