I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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