im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
