ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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