Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
