This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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