well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
