I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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