i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
