Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
