don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
