I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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