fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
