try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
