I've blown a few things in my day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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