so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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