he told me I talked like a deaf person
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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